uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

[dianora2]

I just killed a giant cockroach, one of those waterbug types. In my kitchen. Luckily it was on its back (though still alive). Of course, since I'm phobic, killing it took a while. The process went like this:

See bug on kitchen floor. Scream OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD and run away into living room.

Stay in living room for a while, freaking out, hyperventilating and girding loins.

Pick up heavy hardcover book I was going to get rid of anyway, and venture back into kitchen, holding book up to avoid direct eye line with bug.

Throw book down onto bug, resulting in carapace dislocation. Freak out. Mutter Oh my god oh my god oh my god and run back into living room. Hyperventilate.

Venture back into kitchen, realize you have one paper towel left. Great. Take paper towel and clean up shell bit peeking out from book. Throw away, then run back into living room for more deep breathing.

Decide to sacrifice crappy old hand towel. Go back into kitchen, pick up book and run to throw it in garbage. See smashed giant bug and bug juice on floor and almost puke. Throw hand towel on top of bug, then run back into living room for a while.

Go back into kitchen and clean up rest of bug, being sure not to be able to see any of it. Drop it in garbage. Tie up garbage bag. Wash hands. Retire to couch for a while.

It was my first one in this apartment. Those giant fuckers are cost of business for living in this city, but damn if it doesn't get any easier.

On the plus side, I now know that if I scream as if I'm being murdered, my asshole downstairs neighbors will not bother to check on me. ;P

Comments

[megwriting.livejournal.com]

Your loins are mighty girded! I just take my mini-vacuum and suck the damn things up.

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

I don't think this thing would have fit in a mini-vacuum. It was over two inches long. *shudder*

[lagilman]

*dies*


This is why we had a pact in the office to never tell you when I had killed another one in your cubicle before you got in...

P.S.

[lagilman]

I've alwys found a Tad Williams or Robert Jordan hardcover to be handy when bug-whomping.

Re: P.S.

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

It was a David Coe. Heh.

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

Thank god for that. I'm freaking out just thinking about it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jems_/]

Oh man, cockroaches! *shudder*

I'm not afraid of spiders or other bugs (though I hate insects that fly at my head), but I can't stand cockroaches. Probably comes from living in Florida and those nasty disgusting...

One time I actually saw one of them fly. Up until that moment I didn't even know they could! Suffice it to say I fled the country only months later. (Okay, so it wasn't because of the cockroach, but I'm thinking it was a contributing factor.)

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

I've only heard tales of flying ones, have never actually seen one myself, and THANK GOD BECAUSE I WOULD FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

[kiss-me-cassie.livejournal.com]

Ewww! Yuck! I'm very proud of you.

(Of course, i'm also giggling. I can't help it. Still... GO YOU!)

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it would have been giggle-worthy to a bystander. I was proud of myself when it was over. *g*

[tinkerbell99.livejournal.com]

Oh, God. You could be me.

Killing a spider once involved a road atlas (to smush with), an ironing board (to remove the road atlas), and a vacuum (to suck up the mess.) The road atlas was thrown away and I wore shoes everywhere for the next week. Ew.

My sympathies on the roach thing. I think I'd have to move.

[laurezz24.livejournal.com]

Your icon is amazing.

[adventurepants.livejournal.com]

That sounds a lot like Ellie and me freeeeaking the hell out about a cockroach in her apartment. Oh man.

[gingasaur.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! Haha, and the Martin Sheen icon made me lol so hard.

[qill13.livejournal.com]

Bleaarrrgh! ::shudders::

I really have no problem with mice (except that it traumatizes me to have to actually kill them), but insects creep me the fuck out. So kudos for actually dealing with it.

Also, I do love that icon.

[michaelarae.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Your protocol sounds very familiar and quite entirely appropriate. I concur with your methodology.

Thought I confess, the garbage bag would have had to immediately been taken out of the apartment and to the nearest dumpster forthwith. Or at least outside the door. Because I know, deep down in my heart, that even mightily squished bugs can somehow escape the garbage bag and exact their revenge.

Oh you all can deny it all you want, but I know the truth.

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

Okay, the garbage bag was not bothering me until you said that. Eeeek. *looks at it suspiciously*

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

First, I love your icon! Second, bugs freak me out, too. I have a bigger issue with the million-legged things. Ugh! My cat kills any other pest (roach, fly, mouse, bee) that gets in.

But I once got a tick on me while I was wandering through a park and scared the hell out of nearby picnicers because I was jumping up and down and backwards screaming and smacking myself in the head for about five minutes.

Also, I once literally scared a brown recluse spider to death when I freaked out after finding it on my toothbrush. We found it laying on its back dead as a doornail a few hours later.

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

....a brown recluse...on your toothbrush?!?!

*runs away screaming*

That's it, I'm living in a plastic bubble from now on.

[divanoir.livejournal.com]

At my old apartment, I believed many lifeforms were disturbed by the construction work going on next door. Once, a cockroach flew in through the living room window. I put some paper towels on top of it, and then dropped a big hardback dictionary on top of that. To add insult to injury, I did footwork, clapping and sang "I like to be in America" from West Side Story for about two minutes.

I then swept up the remains in the paper towel and thew it away.

It was totally huge, hence the song and dance to make sure I actually killed it. =)

There was probably some hip action in that dance too.

[noelleleithe.livejournal.com]

The NY post says:

BUG BATTLE SMASHING SUCCESS
Single gal comes out on top

[lzbrt.livejournal.com]

I am laughing, but I really shouldn't be because if I was in your situation the outcome would have been pretty much exactly the same. I'm an excellent screamer where there is any sort of insect about. :)

[deelaa.livejournal.com]

I found out 3 days ago I am moving to New York in a few months. Your cockroach story is scaring me.

[chanel19.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, when one of the really big ones walk through the library, I long to have my .22 with me. Like shooting womp rats in my T16 back home.

Anyway, good job, and you didn't even have any heavy artillery.

[girlunravelled.livejournal.com]

we both had giant bug encounters today!

mine was at work, in the ladies room. I screamed, leaped over it, ran out of the bathroom and down the hall.

at that point I grabbed one of the guys and pointed out that you could see the damn thing moving from down the hall and he needed to go kill it.

and then i ran into my boss' office so i didn't hear the crunch.

you are braver than i am.

[ratmmjess.livejournal.com]

yurgh. yuch.

our last infestation, last summer, was taken care of by traps. but oh god so nasty....

[sharinlilbit.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have done that particular dance of horror many times. Once in a while I substituted a giantic can of aerosal hair spray for a heavy book, but the freak-out is the same.

[kaitiebear.livejournal.com]

Both your story and your icon cracked me up!
Go you for being persistent and getting rid of the little bugger.

[pukajen.livejournal.com]

:: pats on back ::

Job well done!

:: snicker, snicker, snicker ::

It's the same in LA. In our house I'm the bug killer, of more often than not the bug catcher and set 'em freer.

The last apartment we had in the Valley, well lets just say the flying roaches were starting to move in as we were moving out. I didn't mention it to my room mate until months later. She shuddered none the less.

Roaches are by far the grosses to swash. Though ants :: shudders :: we were on a first name basis with our exterminator. Every time it rained for the first three years we lived at our apartment literally thousands and thousands of ants would invade. Column two inches thick crossing entire rooms, disappearing into tiny holes in the walls or floor boards. It still creeps me out.

Knock on wood that hasn't happened in almost two years now.

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

AIEEEEEEEEE.

Actually, you're braver tham me; I hate getting close enough to spiders to smash them. If anyone else is available, I make them do it. So Very Glad I live in the Pacific Northwest, land of no roaches. shudder. (there are, however, some smallish fast skittery critters in my kitchen recently and they are freaking my shit right out.)

[pennilesspoet17.livejournal.com]

LOL. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who acts this way around giant ugly insects. (And now I work in a buiilding filled with them - needless to say, I try very hard to stay out of the entemology dept)

:)

[vellum.livejournal.com]

damn. generally, if you hit them once, they just run faster.

[eloiseinparis.livejournal.com]

Always keep a reserve can of hairspray by your side - I find them to be VERY effective with the scary bugs. :)