a supreme bit of silliness
May. 14th, 2008 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dianora2But at least it's given me some diversion in the past couple days. A bit of crackfic, I suppose, though not funny or clever enough to qualify for the title, based on a thread in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sarmoti's LJ a while back about pretty pretty Lee being unleashed upon a civilian fleet. And since it's the right time to be wondering, Where the heck is Lee Adama anyway?, well, here's a possible scenario on just what our favorite new government hack has been up to whilst everyone else is chasing their destinies across the galaxy....
“Don’t forget you have a breakfast meeting at 7 tomorrow. And Frederick Gallano called for you,” Daphne said, ticking something off on her pad. “Something about new fabric samples.”
“Again?” Lee said incredulously. “That’s the third time this week.”
“As I’ve pointed out to you before, the man is the last fashion designer left alive in the galaxy,” Daphne said dryly. “You can’t really blame him for wanting to be couturier to the newest hotshot celebrity in the fleet.”
“And I still don’t even understand what you mean by that,” Lee said.
Daphne looked at him pityingly over her black-rimmed glasses. “You really don’t, do you,” she said. “Gods, that just makes it worse. Or better, I suppose, depending on how you look at it. Would it help if I told you that Gallano specifically referred to your, and I quote, ‘man-flesh?’”
Lee crinkled his brow. “What are you--" He broke off as Kenneth Korel, Caprica’s communications director, stuck his head into the office. “Come on in,” he said to Kenneth. To Daphne, he said, “Tell Mr. Gallano I’ll get back to him...eventually.”
“Fine.”
“How does Frederick Gallano even HAVE fabric samples, anyway?” Lee wondered aloud. “How is that POSSIBLE?”
“It’s not my job to know that, so I don’t know it,” Daphne snipped.
“Right. My mistake.”
She dropped a thick file onto his desk with a thwack. “More internship applications came in. Only 75% female this time, you’re becoming more of an equal opportunity employer.”
“You know, I had no idea that so many people in the fleet were interested in government work,” Lee said seriously. “It’s really impressive. Inspiring, even.”
Daphne glanced at Kenneth, who dipped his head in amusement. Daphne rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Mr. Adama. I’ll take care of that call for you.” She strode out of the office. Lee noticed Kenneth following the wiggle of her hips with his eyes as she did so.
“So...have you started interviewing yet?” Kenneth asked, dragging his eyes away from Daphne’s ass and indicating the teeming manila folder.
Lee shook his head. “I don’t even need an intern,” he said. “I have no idea why they keep applying.”
“Right. Well, feel free to send any of the more attractive castoffs, I mean candidates, my way,” Kenneth said with a grin.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Kenneth approached Lee’s desk, sat down on one corner. “Hey, I was hoping I could finally talk you into having that drink with me tonight. Things seem to be pretty quiet for the moment, what with the president being busy with her diloxin treatments.”
“Yeah.” Lee looked down at the desk for a moment, then back up at Kenneth. “I don’t know. I’m not really in the mood, and I still have a lot to get up to speed on--"
“One drink,” Kenneth said. “Come on. Don’t tell me you’re one of those teetotalers. You don’t strike me as the type.”
Lee’s jaw worked in amusement. “Hardly,” he said. “Okay. One drink.”
“Excellent,” Kenneth said, clapping his hands and heading for the door. “I’ll come get you in an hour.”
And so an hour later they were in the hottest – that is to say, the only – bar on ship, sitting right at the bar at Kenneth’s request, knocking back the finest ambrosia the fleet still had to offer.
Lee did his best to relax, to unwind, something he was finding it harder and harder to do lately. Between his new responsibilities, his isolation from his friends, his worry about the president, and his omnipresent preoccupation with Kara and her mission, he was a live wire ready to spring.
Luckily, the ambrosia helped.
Still, he was not entirely prepared for the attack when it came: two tall blondes, in tight black dresses and high heels that were probably the last stilettos left in the universe.
“Excuse me, are you Lee Adama?” the taller of the talls asked, flipping her golden hair over her shoulder.
“He is indeed, ladies,” Kenneth put in smoothly. “The legend in the flesh.”
Lee opened his mouth to protest, but Less Tall was already talking. “Oh my gods, it is you! We’re really big fans. From like, BEFORE you became the Caprican representative. We’re not some fair weather admirers. Really, we feel like we know you.”
“Then you...have me at a disadvantage,” Lee said, forcing a smile.
“Oh, sorry,” Taller said. “I’m Brittany. And this is Lenora.”
“Nice to meet you,” Lee said. “Are you Capricans?”
“Oh, no, we’re from Pikon,” Brittany said. “We just think you’re totally interesting is all. Government work is so...fascinating.” She batted her eyelashes at him.
“I’m Kenneth, by the way,” Kenneth said. “Caprican Communications Director and personal friend of Lee Adama’s. Can we buy you ladies a drink?”
“I don’t know if--" Lee started.
“Sure,” Brittany said.
“It’d be an honor,” Lenora added. Lee couldn’t help but notice that Lenora had very large breasts, and was not shy about showing off her assets. He squirmed in his seat uncomfortably.
“Excellent.” Kenneth signaled to the bartender.
“So how are you finding civilian life?” Lenora asked Lee. “Has it been a terribly difficult adjustment?”
“Not as difficult as you might think,” Lee said, wondering why her tone of voice suggested baby talk. “I was in the Reserves before the Cylon attack, so I’m used to not living as an officer full-time.”
“Well, if you need any help at all finding your way around, I’d be happy to assist,” Lenora said.
“We both would,” Brittany said.
“Well I’ll...keep that in mind,” Lee said weakly.
Kenneth handed them their drinks. “Trust me, Mr. Adama is extremely appreciative of your generosity.”
“Right,” Lee said, swallowing hard.
“Excuse me, aren’t you Lee Adama?” a short brunette asked at Lee’s elbow.
“I...am,” he said, starting to wonder just what Kenneth had gotten him into.
“It’s SUCH a pleasure to meet you,” the brunette said. “We’re all so grateful for everything you’ve done for us.”
“Of course you are,” Brittany said, stepping in front of the brunette. “But not as much as my friend and I are. Got it?”
“I really don’t think--" Lee began.
“Ladies, ladies!” Kenneth said loudly. “There’s plenty of ambrosia – and plenty of US – to go around. No need to get hostile, right? We’re all here to have a good time.”
“I suppose,” Brittany said slowly. She took a step back, then turned her widest smile on Kenneth. “Aren’t you the peacemaker.”
“I do try,” Kenneth said modestly.
“Excuse me, I need to speak to my colleague for a moment,” Lee said. He grabbed Kenneth by his jacket lapel and dragged him over to a corner of the bar.
“Hey man, those hotties are not going to wait for us forever,” Kenneth protested. “Then again, maybe they’ll wait for YOU, but--"
“Is this why you brought me here?” Lee asked. “So you could get LAID?”
“So we could BOTH get laid,” Kenneth corrected him. “I’m perfectly willing to admit that I’m just here to ride on your coattails. Your humble and grateful wingman, if you will. As far as I’m concerned, your becoming the Caprican representative in the Quorum is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I don’t believe this,” Lee said. “I don’t believe it and...I don’t even get it. Why is everyone so interested in me? Is it just because I was on Galactica?”
Kenneth looked at him. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“I’m really not.”
“My gods, man, enough already! For one thing, you were not just ‘on Galactica.’ You were the CAG, the leader of the pilots that half the people around here idolize anyway. Then, you had that crazy speech on the stand that spoke right to everyone who’s been wanting to give Gaius Baltar a fair chance, and even some who didn’t. Then, you leave THEM to join US. And finally, well, I don’t know quite how to put this, Lee, but, in case you didn’t realize it, you’re a very handsome man.”
Lee raised an eyebrow.
“Objectively speaking, of course,” Kenneth said hastily. “From, you know, what I’ve been told.”
“Well that’s just ridiculous,” Lee said. “I’m here to do a job, an important one, and to make a difference in this fleet. Not to help you get laid and help Frederick Gallano--"
“LEE ADAMA!”
“Oh, great.” Had he somehow summoned the man with the mere mention of his name?
“Why have you not been returning my calls?” the short, officious man demanded. He snapped out a fan and began waving it vigorously, stirring the booze-soaked air. “I have new samples, new patterns, so many things to show you! We must meet! I am so tired of seeing you in this same suit all the time, day after day! It is an affront to my sensibilities.”
“I appreciate the offer, but you have to realize that I’m extremely busy, Mr. Gallano,” Lee explained. “Trying to run a government--"
“But you must wear clothes to run the government, no? You are all wearing clothes as you conduct the business of the people?”
“Well, yes, but--"
“Then I must be the one to provide the clothes that you wear while conducting the business of the people. I insist.” He flicked an imaginary string off the shoulder of Lee’s dress shirt. “Especially when the clothes will be shown off to such magnificent advantage.”
“But I don’t think I--"
“Of course he’ll come see you, Mr. Gallano,” Kenneth said with a sly grin. “In fact, I’ll personally make sure of it.”
“Well thank you, young man, thank you,” Gallano said. “I am glad there is another appreciator of fashion working in the Colonial government, it gives me hope for humanity.”
“So say we all,” Kenneth said with a straight face. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some lovely ladies waiting for us back at the bar.”
“No, we don’t,” Lee said. “I’m getting out of here. This is just too weird.”
“I don’t understand why you don’t just embrace this, Lee! Half the men alive would kill to be in your shoes. More than half, even.”
“I’m not interested in that right now, Kenneth,” Lee said. “For gods’ sake, my divorce isn’t even final. And besides--" He cut himself off, swallowed down what he’d nearly said about Kara. It wasn’t anyone’s business, much less this guy’s. “Look. I’m grateful for what you’re trying to do. I know you mean well, even if it’s primarily motivated by selfish reasons. But I’m just going to head out and go to bed, all right? I have a breakfast meeting at 0700.”
Kenneth nodded reluctantly. “Whatever you say, boss. But…you don’t mind if I take your leftovers, do you?”
“I don’t see how they’re my leftovers when I never really had them to begin with, but yeah,” Lee said with a grin. “Knock yourself out.”
“Thanks, man.” Kenneth slapped him on the arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Lee said, and made his way toward the exit of the bar.
He knew he was supposed to be working for the people...but this was ridiculous.
sarmoti's LJ a while back about pretty pretty Lee being unleashed upon a civilian fleet. And since it's the right time to be wondering, Where the heck is Lee Adama anyway?, well, here's a possible scenario on just what our favorite new government hack has been up to whilst everyone else is chasing their destinies across the galaxy....“Don’t forget you have a breakfast meeting at 7 tomorrow. And Frederick Gallano called for you,” Daphne said, ticking something off on her pad. “Something about new fabric samples.”
“Again?” Lee said incredulously. “That’s the third time this week.”
“As I’ve pointed out to you before, the man is the last fashion designer left alive in the galaxy,” Daphne said dryly. “You can’t really blame him for wanting to be couturier to the newest hotshot celebrity in the fleet.”
“And I still don’t even understand what you mean by that,” Lee said.
Daphne looked at him pityingly over her black-rimmed glasses. “You really don’t, do you,” she said. “Gods, that just makes it worse. Or better, I suppose, depending on how you look at it. Would it help if I told you that Gallano specifically referred to your, and I quote, ‘man-flesh?’”
Lee crinkled his brow. “What are you--" He broke off as Kenneth Korel, Caprica’s communications director, stuck his head into the office. “Come on in,” he said to Kenneth. To Daphne, he said, “Tell Mr. Gallano I’ll get back to him...eventually.”
“Fine.”
“How does Frederick Gallano even HAVE fabric samples, anyway?” Lee wondered aloud. “How is that POSSIBLE?”
“It’s not my job to know that, so I don’t know it,” Daphne snipped.
“Right. My mistake.”
She dropped a thick file onto his desk with a thwack. “More internship applications came in. Only 75% female this time, you’re becoming more of an equal opportunity employer.”
“You know, I had no idea that so many people in the fleet were interested in government work,” Lee said seriously. “It’s really impressive. Inspiring, even.”
Daphne glanced at Kenneth, who dipped his head in amusement. Daphne rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Mr. Adama. I’ll take care of that call for you.” She strode out of the office. Lee noticed Kenneth following the wiggle of her hips with his eyes as she did so.
“So...have you started interviewing yet?” Kenneth asked, dragging his eyes away from Daphne’s ass and indicating the teeming manila folder.
Lee shook his head. “I don’t even need an intern,” he said. “I have no idea why they keep applying.”
“Right. Well, feel free to send any of the more attractive castoffs, I mean candidates, my way,” Kenneth said with a grin.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Kenneth approached Lee’s desk, sat down on one corner. “Hey, I was hoping I could finally talk you into having that drink with me tonight. Things seem to be pretty quiet for the moment, what with the president being busy with her diloxin treatments.”
“Yeah.” Lee looked down at the desk for a moment, then back up at Kenneth. “I don’t know. I’m not really in the mood, and I still have a lot to get up to speed on--"
“One drink,” Kenneth said. “Come on. Don’t tell me you’re one of those teetotalers. You don’t strike me as the type.”
Lee’s jaw worked in amusement. “Hardly,” he said. “Okay. One drink.”
“Excellent,” Kenneth said, clapping his hands and heading for the door. “I’ll come get you in an hour.”
And so an hour later they were in the hottest – that is to say, the only – bar on ship, sitting right at the bar at Kenneth’s request, knocking back the finest ambrosia the fleet still had to offer.
Lee did his best to relax, to unwind, something he was finding it harder and harder to do lately. Between his new responsibilities, his isolation from his friends, his worry about the president, and his omnipresent preoccupation with Kara and her mission, he was a live wire ready to spring.
Luckily, the ambrosia helped.
Still, he was not entirely prepared for the attack when it came: two tall blondes, in tight black dresses and high heels that were probably the last stilettos left in the universe.
“Excuse me, are you Lee Adama?” the taller of the talls asked, flipping her golden hair over her shoulder.
“He is indeed, ladies,” Kenneth put in smoothly. “The legend in the flesh.”
Lee opened his mouth to protest, but Less Tall was already talking. “Oh my gods, it is you! We’re really big fans. From like, BEFORE you became the Caprican representative. We’re not some fair weather admirers. Really, we feel like we know you.”
“Then you...have me at a disadvantage,” Lee said, forcing a smile.
“Oh, sorry,” Taller said. “I’m Brittany. And this is Lenora.”
“Nice to meet you,” Lee said. “Are you Capricans?”
“Oh, no, we’re from Pikon,” Brittany said. “We just think you’re totally interesting is all. Government work is so...fascinating.” She batted her eyelashes at him.
“I’m Kenneth, by the way,” Kenneth said. “Caprican Communications Director and personal friend of Lee Adama’s. Can we buy you ladies a drink?”
“I don’t know if--" Lee started.
“Sure,” Brittany said.
“It’d be an honor,” Lenora added. Lee couldn’t help but notice that Lenora had very large breasts, and was not shy about showing off her assets. He squirmed in his seat uncomfortably.
“Excellent.” Kenneth signaled to the bartender.
“So how are you finding civilian life?” Lenora asked Lee. “Has it been a terribly difficult adjustment?”
“Not as difficult as you might think,” Lee said, wondering why her tone of voice suggested baby talk. “I was in the Reserves before the Cylon attack, so I’m used to not living as an officer full-time.”
“Well, if you need any help at all finding your way around, I’d be happy to assist,” Lenora said.
“We both would,” Brittany said.
“Well I’ll...keep that in mind,” Lee said weakly.
Kenneth handed them their drinks. “Trust me, Mr. Adama is extremely appreciative of your generosity.”
“Right,” Lee said, swallowing hard.
“Excuse me, aren’t you Lee Adama?” a short brunette asked at Lee’s elbow.
“I...am,” he said, starting to wonder just what Kenneth had gotten him into.
“It’s SUCH a pleasure to meet you,” the brunette said. “We’re all so grateful for everything you’ve done for us.”
“Of course you are,” Brittany said, stepping in front of the brunette. “But not as much as my friend and I are. Got it?”
“I really don’t think--" Lee began.
“Ladies, ladies!” Kenneth said loudly. “There’s plenty of ambrosia – and plenty of US – to go around. No need to get hostile, right? We’re all here to have a good time.”
“I suppose,” Brittany said slowly. She took a step back, then turned her widest smile on Kenneth. “Aren’t you the peacemaker.”
“I do try,” Kenneth said modestly.
“Excuse me, I need to speak to my colleague for a moment,” Lee said. He grabbed Kenneth by his jacket lapel and dragged him over to a corner of the bar.
“Hey man, those hotties are not going to wait for us forever,” Kenneth protested. “Then again, maybe they’ll wait for YOU, but--"
“Is this why you brought me here?” Lee asked. “So you could get LAID?”
“So we could BOTH get laid,” Kenneth corrected him. “I’m perfectly willing to admit that I’m just here to ride on your coattails. Your humble and grateful wingman, if you will. As far as I’m concerned, your becoming the Caprican representative in the Quorum is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I don’t believe this,” Lee said. “I don’t believe it and...I don’t even get it. Why is everyone so interested in me? Is it just because I was on Galactica?”
Kenneth looked at him. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“I’m really not.”
“My gods, man, enough already! For one thing, you were not just ‘on Galactica.’ You were the CAG, the leader of the pilots that half the people around here idolize anyway. Then, you had that crazy speech on the stand that spoke right to everyone who’s been wanting to give Gaius Baltar a fair chance, and even some who didn’t. Then, you leave THEM to join US. And finally, well, I don’t know quite how to put this, Lee, but, in case you didn’t realize it, you’re a very handsome man.”
Lee raised an eyebrow.
“Objectively speaking, of course,” Kenneth said hastily. “From, you know, what I’ve been told.”
“Well that’s just ridiculous,” Lee said. “I’m here to do a job, an important one, and to make a difference in this fleet. Not to help you get laid and help Frederick Gallano--"
“LEE ADAMA!”
“Oh, great.” Had he somehow summoned the man with the mere mention of his name?
“Why have you not been returning my calls?” the short, officious man demanded. He snapped out a fan and began waving it vigorously, stirring the booze-soaked air. “I have new samples, new patterns, so many things to show you! We must meet! I am so tired of seeing you in this same suit all the time, day after day! It is an affront to my sensibilities.”
“I appreciate the offer, but you have to realize that I’m extremely busy, Mr. Gallano,” Lee explained. “Trying to run a government--"
“But you must wear clothes to run the government, no? You are all wearing clothes as you conduct the business of the people?”
“Well, yes, but--"
“Then I must be the one to provide the clothes that you wear while conducting the business of the people. I insist.” He flicked an imaginary string off the shoulder of Lee’s dress shirt. “Especially when the clothes will be shown off to such magnificent advantage.”
“But I don’t think I--"
“Of course he’ll come see you, Mr. Gallano,” Kenneth said with a sly grin. “In fact, I’ll personally make sure of it.”
“Well thank you, young man, thank you,” Gallano said. “I am glad there is another appreciator of fashion working in the Colonial government, it gives me hope for humanity.”
“So say we all,” Kenneth said with a straight face. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some lovely ladies waiting for us back at the bar.”
“No, we don’t,” Lee said. “I’m getting out of here. This is just too weird.”
“I don’t understand why you don’t just embrace this, Lee! Half the men alive would kill to be in your shoes. More than half, even.”
“I’m not interested in that right now, Kenneth,” Lee said. “For gods’ sake, my divorce isn’t even final. And besides--" He cut himself off, swallowed down what he’d nearly said about Kara. It wasn’t anyone’s business, much less this guy’s. “Look. I’m grateful for what you’re trying to do. I know you mean well, even if it’s primarily motivated by selfish reasons. But I’m just going to head out and go to bed, all right? I have a breakfast meeting at 0700.”
Kenneth nodded reluctantly. “Whatever you say, boss. But…you don’t mind if I take your leftovers, do you?”
“I don’t see how they’re my leftovers when I never really had them to begin with, but yeah,” Lee said with a grin. “Knock yourself out.”
“Thanks, man.” Kenneth slapped him on the arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Lee said, and made his way toward the exit of the bar.
He knew he was supposed to be working for the people...but this was ridiculous.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 04:13 am (UTC)Intergalactic fashion designers. Snerk! It makes so much sense. There are also people in advertising designing little promotional cocktail napkins.
BRAVA!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 03:06 am (UTC)(Glad you liked, thanks! *g*)
no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 03:55 am (UTC)I admit I have a lot of love for Daphne. She may have to show up again sometime. ;)
Glad you got a giggle!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 12:46 pm (UTC)I am so stealing that icon. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 06:08 pm (UTC)I just about died whimpering right there!
If Lee doesn't show up in this week's episode, I'm convinced
ManoloGallano got ahold of Lee after all, and Lee is swathed in all kinds of fabric samples the UNIVERSE has left...Oh, and that icon made me smile too. Snerched. Will credit! :)
no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 02:24 pm (UTC)